What to Expect in EMDR Therapy: A Real-World Explanation
When you've been through something traumatic and overwhelming, your mind and body remember. Even if you try to forget. Some memories do fade with time, but others seem to stick with you. They pop up unexpectedly, hijack your mood, or make it hard to feel okay in your current situation, even when nothing is actually wrong. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. And you're not broken.
EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a structured, research-backed approach that helps reduce the emotional intensity of painful memories and the impact they have on your present. It doesn’t erase your past or make you forget about the memories. But it helps your nervous system digest it, so those memories don’t keep showing up like they just happened yesterday.
Desensitizing and Reprocessing: What Does That Mean?
You might have heard that EMDR helps “desensitize and reprocess” trauma, but what does that actually mean in plain English?
Let’s break it down:
Desensitizing means that the emotional charge around the memory becomes less intense. Think of it like turning down the volume on something that used to feel extremely loud.
Reprocessing means the memory gets “filed away” in your brain differently, so that it’s no longer stored as a current threat, but instead as something that happened in the past and is now over.
With these important parts of EMDR, this process helps you feel more grounded, more present, and more in control of how you respond to triggers of your past.
We Can’t Change the Past, But We Can Change Its Charge
EMDR doesn’t involve talking about your trauma over and over again. In fact, sometimes very little detail is spoken aloud. It depends on how you process and it’s up to you how much you verbally share. What we focus on instead is how the memory is showing up in your nervous system now. Through images, body sensations, emotions, and core beliefs you’ve carried with you.
If you’ve gone to therapy before where you’re just talking and not incorporating any of the above, that’s where EMDR can be a completely different experience.
We start with resourcing, which means working on grounding tools that help you feel as calm as possible and supported before going into a distressing memory. This part is essential. We’ll learn, review, and practice exercises like breathwork, calming imagery, and nervous system regulation techniques so that when we begin the bilateral processing, you already have tools to help you stay anchored - both in session and out.
Going Into the Memory Together
When we’re ready to begin the desensitization phase, I encourage starting with a low intensity and/or recent memory to practice with. This is to see how EMDR sits with your nervous system over the week. When we come back together, we most likely increase the intensity of the memory.
I’ll invite you to briefly focus on different parts of the memory, which may include:
What image comes up first?
How distressing does it feel when you think about it 0-10?
What negative belief do you hold about yourself when you think of it (Negative Cognition - NC)?
How would you rather feel about yourself when you think about the memory (Positive Cognition - PC)?
What emotions come up?
Where do you feel it in your body?
Then, while holding that memory in mind, that’s when the bilateral stimulation comes in. There are multiple ways to do this. If possible and if tolerated, eye movement will be trialed. If that doesn’t work for you, physical tapping and/or bilateral sounds can be used. Whatever the method, this helps both sides of the brain process the memory, like REM sleep for the mind while you're awake and supported.
Reprocessing: Changing the Story You Carry
After the emotional charge of the memory has decreased, reprocessing begins. This is where we introduce the Positive Cognition (PC), along with the target memory and imagery.
For example:
Instead of the NC of “I’m powerless,” your PC might be “I can handle it now.”
Instead of the NC “I’m unlovable,” your PC might be “I’m worthy of love and connection.”
By pairing this new belief with the memory while continuing bilateral stimulation, it helps your nervous system rewire how it holds that experience. Over time, the memory no longer triggers the same intense distress. It becomes something you remember, but not something you relive over and over.
Tracking Progress Together
Throughout this process, we’ll check in using what’s called the SUDs scale (Subjective Units of Disturbance). I usually just call it a distress scale. It’s a simple 0 to 10 scale based on gut reaction where:
0 means no disturbance at all (i.e. neutral)
10 means the highest level of distress you’ve experienced
You’ll let me know where you’re at before, during, and after the processing. This helps us both to track the distress and helps us stay attuned to your process in real time. It also gives some data to how your own system is changing.
It’s not always a straight line. I often describe it as a rollercoaster, where the distress rises, but then falls. And tracking these numbers ensures that you're not consistently at the peak level of distress - because that’s not a way to heal. But in general, during processing things tend to become more distressing before they settle. But we move at your pace. And we always return to grounding and safety as needed.
You’re in control of this and can say “stop” at any time. That means we can take a pause, a long break, or stop bilateral stimulation for the session and come back to it in a future session.
EMDR Is Collaborative
One of the myths about EMDR is that it’s robotic or overly structured. While there’s a clear protocol, your healing is never one-size-fits-all.
We work as a team. You lead the pace, and I help guide the process. EMDR sessions are collaborative and tailored to what your system needs. Whether that means slowing down, focusing on body-based regulation, or working through layered trauma over time.
And for many people, EMDR brings relief in ways that traditional talk therapy never could.
If You’re Curious About EMDR, You’re Ready Enough
You don’t need to hit a rock bottom or have a “perfect” memory to begin. If you’re carrying something that still hurts, and you’re ready and willing to try something different, EMDR might be the next step.
If you’d like to explore whether EMDR therapy is a good fit for you, feel free to reach out. I offer a free 15-minute consultation to answer questions and help you decide if this next step feels right.
You don’t have to carry the past the same way forever.